License To Fail

 No, the UMass license plate was not issued in June

After today's fail at Gillette Stadium in front of a sparse crowd -- making it five losses in a row -- it's unlikely the UMass Alumni Association will suddenly see an urgently needed surge in orders for the UMass license plate, now seriously stalled two-thirds of the way to the goal line.

After all, a license plate is the kind of thing serious sports minded fan boys savor more so than your average academic high achiever, who was probably too busy studying to attend tailgate parties and all the other fun things built around sports.

 Fourth loss in a row equals "strong showing."  Gotta love PR flaks

On August 3rd I received an email from the Alumni Association with the headline "UMass license plate is a go!" that certainly gave the impression 1,500 orders required by the Registry of Motor Vehicles had been attained.

Of course what they meant was the "overwhelming interest" had generated 1,500 pledges to buy the plate, but when it came time for the $40 down payment, over a third of those pledges went MIA.  And even though the original pitch set an order deadline of September 7 their Facebook page (with only 139 likes) is still passively soliciting buyers.

Interestingly the Alumni email uses the term "UMass Amherst License Plate" but the actual plate does not contain the name of our beloved town, Amherst.  Hmm ...

With a potential client base of over 110,000 UMass graduates living in Massachusetts you have to wonder why the organizers of this drive can't seem to motivate 1.4% of them to "Ride with UMass pride."

First off, the plate really costs $110, not $40.

A vanity plate requires a  $50 "special fee" on top of the  $40 "regular fee", plus an initial $20 swap fee or $110 total.  Then, every two years renewal is $90 -- more than twice the amount as a "regular" plate.

Then there's the matter of where the "profits" actually go.  The Alumni Association pitch  originally pulled at the heartstrings by suggesting all the money raised would fund scholarships for deserving in state students.

But the Alumni Association website leaves a lot of wiggle room:  "Proceeds from the special plate fee will support scholarships and programs provided by the Alumni Association that advance UMass Amherst." 

When the Alumni Association suddenly dropped annual dues in 2010 and automatically made every UMass graduate a member.  At the time the Vice Chancellor of alumni relations was claiming about 5,000 dues paying members at $40 each.

Although an alumni program still exists for "investors" at $50 each annually, the number of takers comprises less than half the former dues paying membership.

So it must be awful tempting to dip into a new source of funds (if they ever materialize).

Even if the Alumni Association does get 1,500 fans to pony up all associated costs, there's still a catch:  The RMV requires the sponsoring body post a $100,000 performance bond to guarantee an additional 1,500 plates will be sold in the second year or else forfeit some of the insurance bond money.

And if the Alumni Association is having this much trouble with the initial 1,500 sales, the second batch will be an even steeper hill to climb.  

Perhaps it's time for the Alumni Association to punt.  

When the People Lead ...

 Amherst Select Board Chair Stephanie O'Keeffe needs a better script

Sick of town officials lip service over the serious problem of rowdy student party houses springing up all over Amherst -- no longer just the areas contiguous with our #1 employer, UMass -- neighbors in and around the traditionally impacted areas (Lincoln Avenue and Fearing Street) have taken matters into their own hands by collecting the 150 signatures necessary to get tougher warrant articles before Amherst Town Meeting next month. 

If enacted the bylaw tweaks would force town officials to address the real culprits in this sad affair: slumlords and high volume management companies who specialize in enabling slumlords. 

UMass seems to specialize in token, feel good strategies to address this serious problem, like a child trying to befriend a swarm of angry bees swirling around their downed nest.

Last year Umass, town officials and DA Dave Sullivan handed out oatmeal cookies in the southern campus while the northern sector burned.  I'm surprised none of them played a violin.

Two weeks ago on "Umass Umake a Difference Day" day 200 mature, helpful students donated their time to cleaning up the town, while 2,000 students congregated on the quad area of Townhouse apartments making a mess.  When police responded they were greeted with a barrage of cans and bottles.

Last March APD Chief Scott Livingstone appeared before the Amherst Select Board to update them, starting with this brief history, on arrests and the number of party house tickets police had handed out so far that year.  Since then the problem has only worsened.



Six months ago I asked the University for the number of sanctions handed out to fraternities and sororities the previous year.  They stonewalled my request.  Recently the town asked for information on the number of students disciplined for bad behavior.  UMass is hemming and hawing.

Simply put, only a small minority of students get rowdy -- but  a very tiny minority of them are serial partiers, who need to be shown the door.  Now!

Best Column to appear in Amherst Bulletin since I resigned

Loud and Clear

The first of 22 new WiFi emitters is (way) up and running on top of the Bangs Community Center, installed and tested by our daring DPW and IT departments earlier this week.

The new Cisco units, costing $75,000 total,  have three antennas instead of the two on 14 older units they are replacing, so users should notice a stronger more consistent signal throughout the downtown.

The entire installation is expected to be completed by Halloween, the one year anniversary of the mother of all storms than knocked out the WiFi system and emergency 911 phone lines when the power went out due to catastrophic failure in our urban tree canopy.

Amazingly in this digital day and age, Amherst is one of the very few communities to provide free WiFi throughout town center.

Better Never Than Late

FitWomen Amherst. Stock, generic website = Metaphorical

A full year after I first warned the world about the impending return of the fitness zombie, Peter Earle, his humble storefront has finally opened for business.  They must have an overly understanding landlord.

Now I'm told by way of a attempted comment this morning on my original 9/30/11 post that the operation is actually run by his wife (makes sense, since it is a "women only" operation) and they currently have only 90 members.

Well that ought to pay the rent, maybe, this month. But those members may not want to make the mistake of paying for an entire year up front.  At least a third of all businesses fail in their start up year, obviously an even higher percentage for those businesses opened by someone who already failed three times at the same concept.

Fitness centers are like newspapers, in that credibility is everything.  And when you have gone out of business like Mr. and Mrs. Earle --without reimbursing members -- your credibility is close to zero. 

Safe Routes to Schools?

 Strong Street, just before Wildwood Elementary School

The $280,000  state funded "Safe Routes To Schools" project in and around Wildwood Elementary and Amherst Regional Middle School that will "include upgraded wheelchair ramps, new pavement markings, new traffic and pedestrian warning signs, and some minor drainage modifications" use thermoplastic for line markings.

You can tell because the markings are a tad brighter, and will last a lot longer than the paint the town uses, but is, apparently, more slippery than paint when wet. 

Of course these hieroglyphics have been in since late July and thus far no reports of downed cyclist.

33 Phillips Street

 33 Phillips Street, Amherst

UPDATE: October 3
So poor Paul Markham must be feeling the heat, as he took his silly ode to UMass party culture, "Welcome to the Zoo" down after garnering 90,000 hits on YouTube.  Maybe his roomies were unhappy with him shouting out this address. 


UPDATE 5:15 PM original day of publication
This post just became my #1 of all time for single day reads.


On Monday morning at 6:45 AM, APD did a follow up visit to 33 Phillips Street, owned by Knight Properties LLC,  to hand deliver a nuisance house ticket for rowdy behavior that occurred late Saturday early Sunday morning.

Apparently it's one of those upstairs/downstairs problems where one floor does not wish to party as hardy as the other, but since the living arrangements are so, umm, close quarters that can make things a tad  difficult.  Especially at 1:45 AM.

The previous weekend APD responded to the same address, called  by a first floor neighbor concerned about hoards of kids -- like something out of the zombie apocalypse -- trying to get to the upstairs apartment, even if by climbing over railings and trying to break in via windows.  

Some of you younger hipsters may recognize the address, 33 Phillips Street (yes, one of my Party House of the Weekend frequent mentions).   Besides being the half-way party house in a row of party houses, 33 Phillips is also home to infamous white rapper Paul Markham.

So proud of the address that he immortalize it in his forgettable video "Welcome to the Zoo (UMass Amherst)" last year with a shout out (unfortunately you have to watch most of the video to hear it). 

Well if these $300 tickets keep accumulating, maybe Mr. Markham will drop his floundering rap career and start singing the blues.

 ETOH = Alcohol overdose

AFD Runs Late Sept:12

Frat Party of the Weekend

Sigma Phi Epsilon 57 Olympia Drive 

While maybe not up there with Moses parting the Red Sea, the deluge that suddenly fell from the skies Saturday night around 11:00 PM -- peak time for parties to start humming -- put a refreshing damper on large out-of-control affairs like the ones broken up late Friday night on both sides of the UMass campus.

Around 11:40 PM Friday, APD responded to a huge party at Sigma Phi Epsilon that the President and Vice President described as "a social," arresting those two officers of the frat and writing up 14 more "college aged youth" for both noise and nuisance house violations ($600 each times 14 or $8,400).

Plus another two party goers were ticketed for open container violations (at $300 each).

One responding officer said the noise could be heard all the way up to East Pleasant Street, about a quarter mile away from the frat that's located at the very end of a dead end road.

It took seven officers twenty minutes to disperse the crowd, estimated at just over 1,000; and perhaps more tickets would have been issued except APD responded to a call from Hadley police for help quelling a large boisterous party on North Maple Street, dispatching two units to assist.

Arrested for Noise/nuisance:

Dustin Crawford, 57 Olympia Drive, Amherst, MA, age 22  (UMass student and Frat President)

Alessandro Raffa, 18 Payson Rd, Belmont, MA, age 20  (UMass student and Frat VP)