One too many lemons

In typical Amherst Town Meeting penny wise pound foolish mode last night the ageing-into-senility legislative body voted down $11,000 allow the Jones Library to open on Monday’s next year—you know the institution with a great Kids Room and extensive Special Collections with anything and everything pertaining to Miss Emily, the Belle of Amherst.

That argument took about an hour. But when the $1.2 million Capital Equipment article quickly followed with the $22,000 buried in it for a lawn mower at our expensive White Elephant Golf Course, hardly a fiscal conservative could be found.

If the Town Mangler had taken the privatization offer from Niblick Management last year the town would be guaranteed a check for $30,000 without any worries about the weather or expensive landscaping equipment, two-thirds of which is beyond its rated lifespan.

Thus, instead of investing an extra $22,000 now into a lawnmower, that money would be available for something like THE LIBRARY, with enough left for The People’s Republic to finance its Protest Parade next July 4’th.

Only in Amherst (or perhaps South Hadley).

Behold...

If you live in the circulation area of the weekly Amherst Bulletin and also peruse the Daily Hampshire Gazette, obviously you know that Amherst news appearing in the Monday or Tuesday Gazette is simply reprinted word-for-word (except maybe the headline) in the end of the week Amherst Bulletin.

About a year or two ago, however, that started to improve. The Bulletin follow-up article would have a tad more detail. The most recent edition the changes and additions were nothing if not extraordinary: the headline, lead, closing and almost everything in between.

I am of course referring to the news story about Select board member—and former Czar-- Anne Awad, once the most powerful politician in Amherst, buying an expensive new home in neighboring South Hadley, where our former Town Manager and School Superintendent have also found employment.

Actually I had the tidbit a few days before the Gazette, but was so preoccupied with the 7/4 Parade issues that I did not get around to publishing it. The Gazette exposed it with decent placement (considering they relied on legal notices that appeared in their publication it is not the kind of thing that should win them a Pulitzer).

But of course they only did the who, what, when, where, why routine. I, on the other hand, reminded readers of Ms. Awad’s deception when courting and marrying fellow board member Robie Hubley or her continual disrespect towards anything patriotic—especially the flag or 4’Th of July (A vendetta that garnered her citation from the District Attorney’s office for Open Meeting Law violations).

A couple of my readers jumped in with additional revelations noting her condo is listed for sale, and that her husband had filed a Homestead Act that essentially guarantees they are moving from Amherst (state law dictates if one person in the marriage files such a motion they do it in the names of both).

The front page Bulletin article published the end of the week incorporated all those deliciously devastating details with a sub-headline highlighting their importance.

Now if only the Bully can summon the chutzpa to publish an editorial demanding Awad step down from her Select Board position…

Bully article

Happy Mothers Day

To women (or womyn) all over the world—especially those who have sons or daughters currently crouching in harms way.

Evening in America

Afternoon in America

To protect the mission

It is with deepest regret that I must resign my position with the Amherst July 4’Th Parade Committee effective immediately.

Working with fellow volunteers these past seven years has been an honor and a pleasure. I have decided however that my, perhaps overly, protective nature simply will not allow me to cease and desist defending our dream: A celebration to make Rockwell proud.

I will of course attend this year’s event and I’m confident from all indications that it will be our (I mean your) best one yet.

And I’m particularly proud that my new baby daughter, Jada, will—just in time--have arrived from The People’s Republic of China; and one of her first experiences will be a good-old-fashioned American July 4’th Parade!

May you continue for many, many years to come.

Sincerely Yours,

Larry J Kelley

cc: Amherst July 4’Th Parade Committee, Media


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Umass Daily Collegian Front Page May 8, 2008 (only 2 weeks later):

Town Manager Laurence Shaffer says the organization can still get a permit for its own parade on that day, or even collaborate with the town.

"They have put in a request, and there is more than one street," he said. "This is not about preventing their parade, it's about allowing ours. If they have a different street in town or a different time, we will be happy to look at it."

http://amherstjuly4thparade.com/

Note to viewers: No desks or chairs were injured in the making of this film (well, maybe slightly). Since somebody asked the "I'm going to get killed," comment at the very beginning was not Shaffer or Weiss anticipating a pissed off patriot it was me anticipating my wife who expected me home a half-hour earlier.

Flushing!

Something that needs to happen to Amherst's current antiquated form of government.

And speaking of the unelected Town Manager who thinks he’s Boss Hogg, Mayor Daley circa 1968: Last week at a ceremonial tree planting to honor former Assistant Town Manger, and forever DPW chief Stan Ziomek, when called upon to turn a ceremonial space or two of earth the Town Mangler announced he would do it like the DPW. So he made one stab at the ground, dropped the shovel while announcing, “break time!”

Gotta love the cartoon (And if any of them thought it libel they should flunk)
UPDATE: 8:30 AM Mary Carey (acting as Professor) reports that none of the kids thought it libel. There's hope for them kids.

Of course if any of them were a fan of Poe's 'The Purloined letter’ they would realize Mary would not have published the cartoon on her blog if it was libel. Duh!

Hustler (not that I ever read it) got away with publishing a cartoon of a (drunken) Reverend Falwell having sex with his mother in an outhouse. Although former Amherst resident Max Karson was arrested for comments in a classroom a day after the Virginia Tech massacre and recently caused a stir with a satirical column about declaring war on Asians.