And the answer is...

9:55 pm. In a stunning, despicable, display of Political Correctness (Only in) Amherst Town Manager Larry Shaffer singlehandedly decided to “Take Over” the July 4’th Parade in 2009.
######################################################
Town Manager Report! 9:17 (only 12 minutes behind schedule):

Shaffer reads a press release about the Parade. Yeah, yeah, yeah we’re “remarkable”--but he quickly gets to “however”...

“First Amendment guarantees freedom of speech." The July 4’th Parade Committee doesn’t get the irony of this free speech situation. I will not mess with them this year (no rescinding their permit or pulling town apparatus). But here come another “however”:

The town will sponsor a July 4’th Parade in 2009. LSSE (the recreation empire) who runs the Fireworks will also run the Parade. And we will exclude competition by refusing a permit for any private group wishing to run an old fashioned non-political Parade.

All individuals should be allowed to carry whatever they want with the exception of hate crimes or obscenity.

Nice try. How the hell are you going to enforce that Mr. Shaffer? If the town runs the Parade then the KKK can march and anti-war zealots can march with a F_CK Bush sign... whatever. As a matter of fact, I may march in their parade with a sign saying “F_CK Shaffer.

Selectperson Alisa Brewer reads our statement sent to the board and Shaffer last week.

9: 30pm Select Person O’Keeffe calls Shaffer on his framing it as a First Amendment issue. It’s not. The Parade Committee has made many attempts at compromise…what has the town done?? Where’s the compromise on the town part?

Select Person Brewer asks about “FUNDING” the town parade???? You know the $15,000 it will cost to put on a professional production with PAID staff doing the organizing.

Ms. Brewer also mentions how Shaffer has come off as "bullying" the Parade Committee with threats. (Shaffer doesn't respond)

Weiss jumps in and says he never saw it as bullying. He also says he sees it as a 'Free Speech' issue. And finds it inappropriate for the town to participate.

The rookie Stein mumbles something about folks should have the right to protest Iraq and Awad talks about the committee yanking folks from the Parade who were carrying signs.

So if it had come to a vote it would have been 3-2 with His Lordship Weiss, former Czar Awad and rookie Stein voting to support Boss Hogg's draconian measure and O'Keeffe and Brewer opposing.

Bad Boy, Bad Boy...what's he gonna do?

So we know the Town Manager has no respect for the sixty year tradition of local Boy Scouts selling Christmas trees in town center; but will he also destroy the tradition of town participation in the most sacred of American holidays—the 4’th of July?

Since the Gazette heavily hyped the “Town Manager Report” to the Select Board tonight at 9:05 pm with a banner headline this morning reading “Shaffer to speak on parade-sign policy tonight”, it’s a safe bet we will know the answer by around 9:20 pm.

For you play-by-play types here are the options:

He plays the ‘Nuclear Option’ and pulls our permit.
He plays the ‘Shock and Awe Option’ and pulls town vehicles.
He plays the ‘Hippocratic Oath Option’ and does nothing.
He plays the ‘Sword of Damocles Option’ and recommends the Select board form a Committee to take over the July 4’th Parade (merging with the Fireworks that the town now runs), either as early as this year or certainly the next.

Tune in tonight as I will attend the meeting not as a July 4’th Parade Committee member but as a Citizen Blogger.

All Hail Purple and White!

So yeah, I suppose when you have $1.7 Billion in reserves--$100 million of that coming in over the past six months from only two donors--you can afford to repaint other peoples property with your school colors.

A graduation tradition, I’m told, for the past thirty years, as this railroad underpass is less than a stone’s throw from Amherst College’s side entrance.

A Moon for the Misbegotten

High School Announcements?

Scheduled for the morning of 4/28 at (Only in) Amherst Regional High School:

"I pretend that because my dad is a minister, I CAN'T be gay. But then I can't keep my boyfriend." Frank Warren's PostSecret project invites people to write a secret on a postcard, decorate it, and return it to him anonymously. To observe this year's LGBT Pride Week, we are doing our own PostSecret project this week at ARHS. Please take an index card during lunch, decorate it, and write a secret about your personal relationship to LGBT issues and queer culture. We'll have details on where you can deposit your card tomorrow.

Of course this commercial doesn’t quite match the mid-January 'Morning Announcement':

* VAGINA! Vagina. Va. Gi. Na. Get used to saying it, because The Vagina Monologues is coming to the high school stage, Friday, February 15th! Mark your calendars, and get ready to become part of the worldwide phenomenon.

Now if they could just put these to music, we would have “High School Musical 3”. To Hell with Disney!

Patriots Day. (Yeah, even in Amherst)

Even more revelry

1:30 AM. Just another warm Saturday Spring late night in Amherst. About a hundred revelers—most of whom just stumbled out of nearby bars—hang out in front of Antonio’s Pizza by the slice while an Amherst PD Mountain Bike officer keeps a close eye.

An hour earlier I watched three officers shut down a block party at notorious Hobart Lane that collectively included about 500 partygoers.

Captain Scott Livingstone pointed his flashlight with one hand and his trigger finger of the other hand and barked to a group of 25 or so “Go somewhere else!” And they sheepishly slinked away.

"What's in the cup, Missy!" he demanded from another young women gingerly holding a large plastic red cup that she quickly put down on the sidewalk in an upright postion and scampered off, her high heels clickety clicking. Livingstone swiftly closed the distance and swung his locked right leg in a perfect arc catching the cup at the very top, neatly knocking it horizontal (without getting any of the foamy contents on himself.)

Texas Rangers got nothin up on Amherst PD!