Disturbing

So this has thus far been an interesting week—as in the Chinese curse “may you live in interesting times.”

On Monday I learned about a meeting (that we were not invited to) between three political groups who have all made individual bombing runs at the July 4’th Parade and failed to do any damage but now they’ve combined forces and want the Town Manager to implement the nuclear option—pulling town vehicles this year and taking over the Parade next year.

Then on Tuesday, I return to my Club at noon (having opened at 5:35 am until 10:00 am) and discover a portable electric heater in the downstairs aerobics room had been carefully placed face down directly on a wood floor with a layer of paper towels in between. Yikes!

Also on Tuesday morning my post ‘Umass Tiananmen Square?” just completely disappeared without a trace. Blogger guru Tommy Devine asked if I always sign out from blogger because that leaves a half-hour window for a hacker to get in. Naturally I never sign out (until now of course).

And today I get an email from another computer guru in Amherst saying Comcast is censoring this humble blog from emails within the Comcast system.

So if you are a Comcast customer (which I am, but I use my AOL account for email) and you make the mistake of using the term http:://onlyintherepublicofamherst.blogspot.com in an email to a friend, it will end up in the cyber incinerator.

Strangely enough for a blog about Amherst only half my readers are from the People’s Republic but, of those, the vast majority are Comcast customers.

And I just now picked up a copy of the ultra-crusty Amherst Bulletin and discovered that instead of 2 ads for this blog and 3 for my Athletic Club I got 4 blog ads and only 1 for my Club.

So now the next time I get into a firefight with a pimple faced 17-year-old, they will say I should spend more time on my business and less time and money on this…whatever the Hell you call this.

Patriotic Pyrotechnics

The July 4’th Parade Committee has made it crystal clear from inception that we are a non-profit, non-political, family-oriented event with a Mission Statement to honor our Guardian Angels—Police/Fire/EMT and yes, Military.

The Supreme Court decided unanimously (overturning a Massachusetts Court)--precisely because of the First Amendment--we can exclude marchers carrying signs that circumvent our Mission Statement.

If The People’s Republic of Amherst steals the July 4'th Parade then they would have to allow the KKK, NAMBLA, and the Hells Angels to march, or ride as the case may be.

If I purchase a full-page ad in the local newspaper to say “Happy Birthday America” on July 4’th, I don’t expect somebody to demand part of my ad-space for their anti-war statement. They can buy their own ad.

And if war protesters (or supporters for that matter) want to march, they can finance their own Parade. Only in Amherst would government nationalize something private citizens have worked hard to build.

Maybe Fidel Castro should retire to Amherst.

UPDATE: 4:222 PM So, yeah the Town Manager has called Kevin since this post went up and left a very short message to call him back. But I do have on my Mac another recording from yesterday when he left a second message (apparently not knowing that it is perfectly legal to post messages left on answering machines), so stay tuned.

UPDATE: 7:17 PM Well, the Crusty Gazette is on it! Kevin and I both did interviews late this afternoon and we could tell from the reporter's questions (after interviewing Shaffer) that he's not overly pleased (Shaffer not the reporter) and is trying to portray us as the troublemakers who love to pick a fight.

But this came out of the blue, whereby a fringe group of malcontents banded together and finagled a meeting with Shaffer to purposely and with malice sabotage the Parade. And we were not invited to the meeting.

So in the next few days the Parade Committee will get a formal request in the mail to allow Mary Wentworth to march in the Parade carrying a "F_ck Bush" sign and we will deny the request and the town will pull their equipment. Only in Amherst.

Umass Tiananmen Square?

Okay so somehow yesterday’s post disappeared. I’ll have a barnburner later this morning.I think it went something like this:

The Umass Radical Union must not have liked my calling them milquetoast. On Monday they reposted in a public space their how-to sex posters in defiance of Umass authorities who took them down on Friday. Yeah, as the posters say “safe sex can be fun.”

Story Goes National

Amherst 7/4 Parade Fireworks

What would the Amherst July 4’th Parade be like without Amherst police, fire or ambulance apparatus in the line of march? An embarrassment!

There they go again! The Amherst Town Democratic Committee “corralled” like-minded activist groups to meet with Amherst Town Manager Larry Shaffer to discuss pulling town equipment from the Parade because we will not open it up to anyone and anything looking for exposure on that day. And yes, we pay for our Police detail to direct traffic (unlike the Pot Rally folks)

http://www.amherstdemocrats.org/
Old Business:

Private Amherst 4th of July Parade: Being fond of our 1st Amendment rights, ADTC has refrained for 2 years from participating.

On 2 days' notice, Town Mgr. Larry Schaffer carved out time for an open meeting on Friday, 21 Feb., with ADTC Chair Harry Brooks; the Chairs of the Green & Republican Town Committees; League of Women Voters; & SAGE, to consider concerns that many of us share.

More on this patriotic/matriotic effort later.

From: AmherstAC@aol.com
Sent: Monday, February 25, 2008 12:24 PM
To: Shaffer, Larry
Subject: 7/4 Parade

Larry,
If Amherst is going to pull police and fire apparatus from the Parade this year we would appreciate a heads up as early as possible. And we would also have appreciated an invite to the "open meeting" last Friday morning that you carved out time for on only two days notice.
Larry Kelley
July 4'th Parade Committee


From: Shaffer, Larry
To: AmherstAC@aol.com
Sent: Mon, 25 Feb 2008 1:31 pm
Subject: RE: 7/4 Parade

Larry,
We should talk. Have you rejected any applications for perspective participants in the 4th of July parade for 2008?
Larry

From: amherstac@aol.com
To: ShafferL@amherstma.gov
Sent: Mon, 25 Feb 2008 1:58 pm
Subject: Re: 7/4 Parade

Larry,
No, we have not. And in fact, we have never officially rejected anybody since reconstituting the Parade in 2002.
Larry

And the cards...came tumbling down.

Well I guess the UMsss Radical Student Union should reinvent themselves as the Milquetoast Student Union (and form a Strategic Alliance with Hampshire College). I just hope they don’t bring their placards to Amherst Regional High School. Condoms anyone?

The Illustrations in question
CH 3 TV reports

From: Brad DeFlumeri
To: amherstac@aol.com
Sent: Sun, 24 Feb 2008 12:58 am
Subject: Sex Posters Update

Larry,

The posters in question were removed by UMass authorities at approximately noon yesterday, Friday, 22 February 2008.

Shortly thereafter, some members of the Radical Student Union were spotted sobbing and screaming about the 1st Amendment outside their office. (I am not making this up.) Also, the school [mistakenly?] removed posters of Malcolm X in the process of taking down the gay sex posters.

Thanks for covering this matter on your Blog, I have received an outpouring of support from closet conservatives in the community, among many others.

Take Care,

Brad DeFlumeri
President, UMASS Republican Club
Petty Officer, United States Naval Reserve

Saturday morning reflections

Who would have thunk?

The Crusty Gazette actually has a sense of humor--probably not about me calling them Crusty however. From today’s “Gazette News Quiz” (and it even gets a pull quote headline):

Until close to the performance date, which of these was supposed to be a requirement before students could attend “The Vagina Monologues” at Amherst Regional High School?

A: Confiscation of non-fairly traded chocolate bars
B: Blood testing for traces testosterone
C: Breathalyzer testing
D: Singing a song from “West Side Story”

And even the next question of the week (2 out of 10 ain’t bad) relates to ‘VM’:

And while we’re at it: Marina Goldman brought an object to Firday’s performance of “The Vagina Monologues” referring to it as something that “only gets to come out once a year.” It was:
A: Pillow depicting the female body
B: A 10-foot letter ‘V’ mad of Amherst Athletic Club handbills
C: A signed copy of Eve Ensler’s firs one-woman show “All about me (ve)”
D: A grammatically correct Emily Dickinson doll

Of course my Athletic Club has not used “handbills” to advertise in almost 10 years., you know since the advent of the Digital Age. Yet another reason I refer to them as Crusty.

UPDATE: High-noon (ish)
Okay since a few folks asked, my list would have been...
Until close to the performance date, which of these was supposed to be a requirement before students could attend “The Vagina Monologues” at Amherst Regional High School?:

A: Yell the C-word while thrusting both arms skyward like Mary Lou Retton did when sticking her dismount to capture Olympic Gold.
B: Blood testing all males for traces of Estrogen
C: Breathalyzer testing (but have them blow into a condom)
D: Recite—in its entirety-- the Pledge of Allegiance.

UPDATE: 5:15 PM. Yeah it's snowing (welcome to New England)

UPDATE: Saturday 6:30 PM. Couldn't possibley add to this:
Hide the Kids