Vagina Monologues: PT Barnum promo

Okay, this is the Internet and we're all adults here, so sure the V- word is fine. The C-word synonym, however, is not.

But I find it weird that even the more benign word "vagina" is repeatedly shouted in a Public School announcement tomorrow at the Amherst Regional High School. Just another 'Only In Amherst' moment. Maybe they should use 'Somewhere, There's a Place For Us' from 'West Side Story' as background music.
As the frustrated parent who just forwarded it to me said in her email: “So much for sensitivity”.

ARHS Morning Announcements
Thursday, January 17th, 2008

* VAGINA! Vagina. Va. Gi. Na. Get used to saying it, because The Vagina Monologues is coming to the high school stage, Friday, February 15th! Mark your calendars, and get ready to become part of the worldwide phenomenon.


UPDATE: 9:00 pm (yeah, past my bedtime)

In a message dated 1/16/08 4:13:57 PM, XXX@hotmail.com writes:
Hi Larry,
I always check the high school daily announcements to be an informed parent. Thought you'd be interested in entry #9 in tomorrows.
http://www.arps.org/hs/News/announcements.html
So much for sensitivity, etc.
Trying to compose my letter to Dr. Hockman now.
Mary


>>2008 4:32 pm >>> 1/16/
Good afternoon Mr. Hochman,
I try to stay informed by reading the HS announcements online a day early.I was taken aback a bit by the ninth entry for tomorrow. While I think you have been sensitive with the whole "V Monologue" situation so far, this seems a bit "in your face" for some kids and quite insensitive. I know you don't write the announcements, or even see them beforehand. It just seemed a bit crude and I wanted you to be aware of it before tomorrow.
Thank you for your time,
Mary XXXX

----- Original Message -----
From: "Jere Hochman"
Sent: Wednesday, January 16, 2008 5:14 PM
Subject: Re: ARHS morning announcements
Dear Ms XXX:

I have not seen the announcements but will review them. We have worked at keeping this topic and performance in perspective and a parameter has been to avoid being in one's face. I am sorry about that. I will review this with Mr. Jackson. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Jere Hochman

In a message dated 1/16/08 5:49:09 PM, XXXXXXX@hotmail.com writes to Only In Amherst blogspot:
Well, what do you know!
Mary

From: amherstac@aol.com
To: XXX@hotmail.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 16, 2008 6:18 PM
Hey Mary,
Wow! Mind if I post it on my blog????
Larry

From:
To: amherstac@aol.com
Sent: Wed, 16 Jan 2008 6:41 pm
I'll have to think about it. I had enough heat after the no vote. You should see the reception I get at some school meetings! I know it wouldn't pull much weight if it didn't have a name to it.
Mary

From: amherstac@aol.com
To: XXX@hotmail.com
Sent: Wednesday, January 16, 2008 6:46 PM
Hey Mary,
I would xxx-out your name and email address but leave in your letter and Hochman's response. So obviously he would be the ONLY person to know and if other people found out we would know it HE leaked it (obviously I can keep a secret)
Larry

From:
To: amherstac@aol.com That sounds fine Larry. I am being optimistic that whoever wrote it wasn't thinking and it won't be announced that way tomorrow. Not only thinking about the students but the teachers that may not feel like reading that to a bunch of teens! Ich!
Mary

In a message dated 1/16/08 7:57:42 PM, Amherst AC writes:
Thanks Mary,
They were not thinking when they decided to allow 'VM' in the first place (let alone the second time!)
Larry

FINAL UPDATE: 10:00 pm

Questions to ponder:

Will a bucolic little High School in a state Mitt Romney described as “the most liberal in the nation” really trumpet "VAGINA, vagina, vagina” at tomorrow morning’s announcements?

Will the Crusty Daily Hampshire Gazette have any of this in tomorrow’s edition, since an Editor has been aware of this development since 5:00 pm? Or at the very least their equally crusty "newsroom blog" that's "updated Mon thru Fri".

And will Superintendent Hochman take Amherst Regional High School principal Mark Jackson to the woodshed for a well-deserved spanking?
Another, more sagacious, Jackson:
http://onlyintherepublicofamherst.blogspot.com/2007/06/uncharted-territory-at-that.html

The price of good deeds

Just as she proved with rosy but wrong Cherry Hill revenue figures last year, Selectman Awad still has trouble with numbers. Trying to blunt a firestorm of criticism directed at the Town Manager over his Scrooge tax on the Boy Scout Christmas tree sale, Ms. Awad declared use of the park for “eight weeks” by this local non-profit was different than groups like the Pot Rally who only use town land for a day.

Fortunately Selectman Greeney knows numbers and corrected her by saying the scouts’ use the property for only a month and, furthermore, they clean it up like good scouts do when they are done.

During the discussion Selectman Brewer (herself a Den Mother) asked Shaffer directly if he was going to allow the Boy Scouts to use the property at all, even with the tax, for Christmas sales next year.

Saying he didn’t want the park usage to become “unduly encumbered”, Shaffer suggested the scouts start scouting a new location. All the negative publicity generated by his clueless, un-American decision indicates to his bean-counter mind that the scouts have a “degree of entitlement” to the land.

Let’s see, the Amherst Pelham Boy Scouts have used that location for fifty years with the owners blessing, who set up a trust to purchase the entire property and donate it to Amherst for a “landscaped park”.

The general public--who unfortunately can’t vote him out--took Mr. Shaffer to the woodshed for a well deserved spanking; and rather than learn from his mistake he shifts the blame to the victim.

According to this morning’s crusty Gazette the Town Manager is awaiting his ill-gotten gains, estimated at $700-$800 (or two-months of his auto/cell phone allowance).

I hope the Scouts pay him in pennies!

UPDATE: 9:00 pm. I forget the crusty Gazette actually uploads to the net (many hours after I read hardcopy at 5:30 am.) So I just went to gazettenet and found a couple of cute comments to the cyberstory:

Miss Ellie [ Posted on: Tuesday - January 15, 2008 at 10:09 AM]
I think it would be wonderful if the Senior Center or Leisure Services accepted the so called "donation" and donated it right back to the Boy Scouts.

Julie T [ Posted on: Tuesday - January 15, 2008 at 12:28 PM]
What a crock for Town Manager Larry Shaffer to say , "I appreciate their generosity and kindness," to the Boy Scouts, since he is the one who mandated that they pay to use the land. Perhaps instead, he should say, that he is sorry for being greedy, and that yes, he sees the contribution that the boys make to the town , and that is enough and greatly appreciated; so here is your check back. Instead every year, he will be more greedy and raise the fee to the boy scouts. I real live "scrooge".

Just after the storm, off Bay Road

Nothing like the purity of a new snow.

Crows in a 'V'

Although I’m 100% Irish, I don’t consider myself overly superstitious, but today was a tad weird.

I had decided not to upload until Monday late-morning so my Friday post stayed front-and-center until the Bricks-and-Mortar Media awakens Monday morning around 8:30 am or so…otherwise known as the start of a new news cycle.

So I pull into the Amherst Athletic Club this Sunday morning around 10:45 am (we open at 11) and I’m listening to WDRC the oldies station running a “one hit wonder weekend” and the tune ‘Indiana Wants Me’ is playing.

Including the great line “If a man ever needed dying he did…No one has a right to say what he said about you” And I thought to myself, if we go uptown tonight and some aggressive goof calls my wife or daughter the ‘C-word” how would I react?

And as I exit my car a couple crows sound the alarm from a tree I have probably looked at ten thousand times over the past 25 tears and never noticed the V formation at the top.

The Chinese Kenpo Karate Creed that I have observed for almost 35 years states that “Should I be forced to defend myself, my family or my honor then here are my weapons…. my open hands”

So yeah, branding my wife or daughter the “C-word” definitely trips the “honor” thing, and I would physically engage. And yeah, if he reached into his pocket for what I thought a weapon I would use all-out force…as in lethal.

Better to explain it to a Judge than risk the unthinkable.

No Victory in 'V'

http://www.amherstbulletin.com/story/id/75823/

You can’t tell by the cyber-version, but Mary Carey’s article from last week’s Gazette made today's Amherst Bulletin Front Page, above the fold. And, as they did four years ago, the squeamish Bully headline editor avoids “vagina” in a headline. Talk about underscoring my point.

So it’s okay for young girls to publicly scream the actual C-word, yet the Bulletin hides behind the euphemistic V-word? Yikes! And it’s not like they are know for being a (Christian) conservative publication.

Although not the overall lead story…it’s a good start. Four years ago the first shots fired came from my column 3 or 4 pages inside the late-December issue, when almost nobody was paying attention.

Interestingly the TOP story exposes public officials (lead by School Superintendent Hochman) still smarting from the May 1’st Override failure, eyeing tax money for a professional survey of citizens to discover how best to jam a tax increase down our throats.

According to today’s Gazette the Elementary Schools are $1.4 million and the Regional High School $300,000 in the hole for FY09. So rather than concentrating on filling that budget gap, Hochman and principal Mark Jackson (unless he designates his wife to handle it) will be preoccupied defending this ridiculous ‘Only In Amherst’ decision.

In a message dated 1/8/08 10:28:15 PM, mary.carey@att.net writes:

Hi Larry -- Do you have a comment on the decision to produce the Vagina Monologues that I can use in the Bulletin story. If they decide to cut out the parts you think are most offensive either because of the language or because they seem to condone pedophilia, would you think it is OK to produce a cleaned-up version (if that is allowed)?
Thanks!
--mary

In a message dated 1/9/08 7:58:22 AM, Amherst AC writes:
Hey Mary,
I will be a lot less inclined to unleash the Dogs of War if they do a cleaned up version.
Larry

In a message dated 1/9/08 9:10:25 AM, mary.carey@att.net writes:
What is YOUR ultimate goal, given the current situation, that is that the play will be produced and there may be certain things you can not do with it thanks to the copyright?

In a message dated 1/9/08 9:59:04 AM, Amherst AC writes:
My martial arts philosophy is don't engage in battle unless you are absolutely sure of your position and then if you think for whatever reason you will lose, do SOOOOOO much damage that the opponent will never want to deal with you again. (hand them a Pyrrhic victory)
Larry

In a message dated 1/9/08 12:56:20 PM, mary.carey@att.net writes:
D'oh. I didn't get a chance to include this.


In a message dated 1/9/08 1:17:03 PM, Amherst AC writes:
That's okay: That's why God invented blogging!

And the answer is...

And NO I have not heard back from Amherst School Superintendent Jere Hochman as to whether the Amherst Regional High School performance this year of ‘The Vagina Monologues’ with be an “edited for High School” version or the orgasmic original version (as long as you don’t count the 1996 First Edition) with the monologue that attempts to “reclaim” the C-word where the vile word is often repeated.

Yes, soon after the 2004 performance of ‘The Vagina Monologues', the ONLY high school in America to allow it, ARHS also banned the word “freshman” for incoming 9’th graders. And of course, this is the same school that banned a production of ‘West Side Story’ in 1999.

In his rather long email to me on Saturday Superintendent Hochman explains that High School principal Mark Jackson saw the performance at the Northampton Arts Center last year and was so impressed he decided to damn the torpedoes and go full-speed ahead on this year’s performance on school property.

I don’t know Jackson as he was not here in 2004, but his daughter was in my daughter’s kindergarten class at Crocker Farm Elementary School last year for a few months before he placed her in a private school.

According the Gazette article his wife Lynn Phillips has “written on feminism” but the only thing I could find on a Goggle search was a blurb she wrote for the book ‘Packaging Girlhood’.

Two years ago when the Amherst Regional High School performed ‘Urinetown’ as the official school play, Mr. Hochman emailed me a couple days before the first public announcement just to say it was nothing to get excited about and not to judge a play by its title. After a quick Goggle search I thought it was fine for a high school.

Of course this past week when it was announced that the school would reprise ‘The Vagina Monologues,’ my first notice came by way of the crusty Gazette article. And yes folks I have read the entire book/play, watched Ensler’s DVD and, UGH, attended the 2004 Amherst Regional High School performance (Bill O’Reilly made me do it!).

MYTHS EXPOSED:
http://www.cblpi.org/programs/vday/factsfallacies.cfm

UPDATE: Thursday 3:30 pm I’m waiting for the ultra-crusty Amherst Bulletin to go cyber (got my hardcopy five hours ago) so I can link to their Front Page story. But this was pretty funny. I get an email yesterday from Superintendent Hochman’s office that looks like it went to a bunch of folks:

On Wednesday, January 23, Superintendent Jere Hochman will present an overview of the Amherst-Pelham schools.

This brief presentation will be followed by and important hour of dialogue about our school districts' MISSION and VALUES. What do YOU believe to be the most essential values our schools should characterize? What do YOU believe to be the mission of our public schools?

Gee, off the top of my head, maybe the public schools should try to teach moral values.

UPDATE: Thursday 9:30 pm. So the ultra-crusty Amherst Bulletin finally uploaded but I'm too tired to respond with a new blog upload tonight. But if you go amherstbulletin.com you can read the 'V' story and my instant cyber reaction. More of a prepared response tomorrow.

Slight Correction

So journalistic neophytes will be tempted to cite the infamous “Dewey Wins” (actually the headline reads “Dewey Defeats Truman”; but if I really thought it was a mistake I would simply delete the 12/30 post and pretend it never happened. Just consider it an inevitable prognostication.

Ultimate Fitness, true to the sign posted two weeks ago, reopened for business yesterday. Hmmm…Bummer!

Their hours are reduced until the start of the semester 1/28. Goes to show how much they target the students. No explanation for taking off the biggest week in the Health Club industry for new (non-student of course) sign ups.

And so they will continue to beat on like boats against the (muddy) current...

Almost gone...

The $64,000 question

NOTE: THIS UPLOAD IS RATED R (but if teenagers can use the word...)

In a message dated 1/5/08 9:25:06 AM, Amherst AC writes:
Jere,
So what did we mean by "portions of"?
Larry

In a message dated 1/5/08 1:21:54 PM, hochmanj@ARPS.ORG writes:
Larry
Lots of details to work on this.

On your "portions" question - last time there was a scene or two omitted or modified. I have questions for this performance and what's included and what's not.

We'll have the same restrictions on age for attendance (last time no middle schoolers or below) and parent permission for others. Parent permission to be a participant. No school day or assembly type performance. Done in context of a week of awareness raising. In other words, choice for those who want to be near it with parent permission and choice for those who don't want to be near it.

Some context - last year the students wanted to do the show. They did the performance off campus in Northampton. Principal (who was not here last time) found it to be an important performance.

I continue to struggle with this (and I did last time, too). It's high school. I get that. These are teenagers. I get that. On the other hand, the world of sex and violence to which they are exposed is outside of our control and the messages are horrendous and they are routine. The movies - the music - and the stories from their college campuses. And although the language and content of this show is as extreme of some of those exposures, it is a message presented in a way that counters much of negative messages they see and hear in the real world.

As I left the performance last time, what struck me was the message that the young men in attendance got. Yes - there was laughter, language, and sexual references - but there was also a powerful message that I have to think continues to run through their minds as they are now young men on college campuses, in fraternities, and out in that real world. The Duke lacrosse team members were not guilty of rape - but two messages came out of that event: that such situations DO occur on campuses (and in spite of what the media does not cover, there is sexual violence on campuses) and what was forgotten was that a group of young men hired strippers for a regular old college party. Perhaps a dose of a few scenes of the performance would get them to think twice.

So - with that - and drawing a circle around it so only those with permission and readiness to attend/participate do so, that may be the balance to strike for high school - and for those who don't get the message - perhaps they get it in other ways as they get older.

Finally - this fits in with recent efforts at raising awareness and focusing on responsiveness for student well-being and safety. We had a committee of counselors and teachers address the issue of a "code of silence" among students and adults. What we learned was that such a code does exist - that students do have incidents and issues - and many do not tell a trained adult. Bullying - internet bullying - all that students are exposed to on the internet - it's only getting worse. We have been addressing that with faculty and staff all year starting with identifying boundaries for the adults and their responsibility as "first responders" to kids and adults with issues. We spend a lot of time on calculus and our six world languages - but these issues, too, are important and who/what Amherst is. If we push the envelope, it will be researched and well-thought out.

More than you asked, but I feel I owe you as much explanation as possible.
Jere

In a message dated 1/5/08 1:33:45 PM, Amherst AC writes:
Hey Jere,
Yeah, a bit more than I asked for. Let me rephrase: Are you going to allow "Reclaiming Cunt" monologue?
Larry

In a message dated 1/5/08 2:18:25 PM, hochmanj@ARPS.ORG writes:
I'll get back to you on that.
Jere

In a message dated 1/5/08 2:26:42 PM, Amherst AC writes:
Her Jere,
And while you're at it: "The little Coochie Snorcher" is #2 on my list. You know, the one where a 24-year-old has sex with a 16-year-old after warming her up with alcohol (and in Ensler's original 1996 edition she was only 14 years old).
Larry

Sunday: 11:45 am. Now that I think about it there are two questions: Will ARHS censor that particularly offensive 'VM' skit (thus vindicating my 2004 crusade) and will the Superintendent of the Amherst Schools actually use the C-word in writing?

She'ssss baaaack! (Ensler that is)

As I recently mentioned in my comments section to Blog Guru Tommy Devine, my only regret concerning this blog (started March 17’th, St Patty's Day) equaled the one I had over my hip replacement surgery: why the Hell did I wait so long?!

For the surgery I simply thought I was way too young; and for blogging I was unsure if enough material would present itself for my musings at least 5 days per week or roughly the publishing schedule of the Crusty Gazette.

So as I’m driving home this morning from dropping my daughter off at the Chinese Charter School (conveniently located next to my Health Club) I flip open the Gazette to the break page scanning headlines while driving to see if they got around to covering Fitness Club closings yet: Nope. But I spot a headline on the Boy Scout Christmas tree tax debacle and I figured there’s today's upload.

Ahh, but then (now sitting at home with coffee in hand) I turn the page: ‘Amherst Regional High School to perform Vagina Monologues.’ Wow, we’ve come a long way: the crusty Gazette used to never allow the word "Vagina" in a headline. Gee, maybe they have progressed to where they will also use the "C-word" (rhymes with bunt.)

Yes folks hold on to your hats, it is going to be a Hell of a ride. The last time (2004) the Amherst High School allowed teen-agers to publicly perform R-rated material it was announced the first week of December.

After all, V-Day is Ensler’s way of trying to reinvent Valentine’s Day (just like she tried to reinvent the "C-word"), thus the play is performed around mid-February, nationwide. Which of course doesn’t give the kiddies much time to reherse.

And it's a pretty safe bet that--like in 2004--no other K-12 school system in America will allow this embarrassing travesty, thus making Amherst the ONLY entity to cancel a production of 'West Side Story' but allow 'Vagina Monologues'.

And you would think a disjointed School system--with four-out-of-six principals having just abandoned ship and a long-time teacher busted for kiddie porn--would have better things to do then spend the next six weeks defending this controversial, ‘Only In Amherst,’ decision.

UPDATE (4:20 pm): Just received this weekly email from highly-paid Superintendent Jere Hochman to the schools listserve:

HIGH SCHOOL PERFORMANCES
You may have read or heard by now that there will be a production of portions of the "Vagina Monologues" at the High School this year. This is a single performance and is part of a week of activities and awareness raising on women's rights, safety, and responsiveness. Although the performance is important with powerful messages, we are mindful this not for everybody. As was the case in the previous production four years ago, several parameters will be placed on production. Details are still being worked out on these parameters, but they will include the same "parent permission" approach for student participation and student attendance; no school day or assembly performance; and others.

For those not familiar with our high school programs, this is not the single annual "school play" or musical. "AIDA," this year's school musical, will be performed later this year. The annual High School Cabaret is this weekend and several other musical and drama performances have occurred and will take place this year.


Of course I’m a tad curious about the term “portions of the Vagina Monologues”??? Four years when I suggested they simply edit out the Monologue that used the “C-word” repeatedly, or the other one that glorified sex between a minor female and adult women who plied her with alcohol (suggesting that since it was a lesbian affair it was fine) that would be, borderline, acceptable.

But Her Highness Eve Ensler legally REQUIRED her artistic masterpiece be performed as written and it was all or nothing. Hmmm...

Twin sentinels withstanding the test of time

And the winner is...

Okay if the bricks-and-mortar Media can recycle the tired, traditional, Top Ten stories of the past year I suppose this blog can name the single most important story in the People’s Republic of Amherst for 2007. Of course if I were a clever blogger you would have a drum roll MP3 file to click.

The May 1’st Proposition Two and a half Override FAILURE. I emphasize failure because if it had passed the story would have been one of those journalistic “dog bites man” stories and would barely have made anyone’s top-ten list BUT...because it failed in education oriented, overly enlightened Amherst it's a “man bites dog story.”

Why did it fail? Let me count the ways! The oldest martial arts truism in the 'Book Of Secrets' unequivocally states: “Never underestimate your opponent.” In this case, Overriders didn’t even know they had opponents until after heavy artillery had been brought to bear.

With ample ammunition: like the $4.3 million Amherst had hidden in reserves thus translating to town officials wanting taxpayers to consume their savings so the town could keep money stashed in its Stabilization and Free Cash accounts (currently at $3.9 million.)

The Town Manager made the rookie--throwback to the 1980’s--mistake of threatening cuts to Public Safety that he would never implement (although, unfortunately, Police did take a hit); and he turned down a guaranteed $30,000 annually for a retched municipal golf course that squandered an average of $100,000 per year for six consecutive years.

And for some inexplicable reason all the Heavy-Hitter, Usual Suspects in the 'Save our Schools' crowd let a guy who had absolutely no political experience whatsoever run their inept campaign.



Overconfident Overriders failed to order lawn signs; and that monumental mistake plus some immature High School kids stealing the “No More Overrides” lawns signs the first night they sprouted all over town, combined for a Perfect Storm of publicity. One clueless kid was caught by police after dropping his cell phone and paid $250 in restitution that Taxpayers for Responsible Change donated to local charities.

Of course all the dire predictions failed to materialize and the Regional School finished the year with an extra $1 million left over in their operation budget (which they promptly spent) and no teacher layoffs. Now we learn Amherst taxpayers subsidize the Ambulance service we provide to nearby towns and Umass by about $650,000 per year. And those empty outreach buses cost just over $100,000.

Thus, town officials have their managerial work cut out for them in 2008—especially since an Override is out of the question. But hey, that’s why we pay them the Big Bucks.

My Christmas wishes (A leprechaun granted me three) for next year: The Grinch/Scrooge Town Manager learns from his most recent mistake and axes the tax on our Boy Scouts Christmas tree sales; Amherst police catch the culprit who stole money destined for children from the Christmas light display on Whippletree lane; and the Chamber of Commerce actually decorates downtown Amherst like an American town rather than a North Korean village.

30

A crime against children.

So in spite of some sick Grinch stealing a day’s worth of Christmas donations, the Pastorello’s epic light show--unfortunately their grand finale--on Whippletree Lane went over the top for overall donations going to help children at the Shriners Chrildren Hospital, surpassing a record set in 2001.

Since the crusty Gazette (amazingly) managed to get the article in today about the depressing theft Sunday night and the Pastorello’s mentioned they only needed $29 to break the record I dropped off a check this morning for $30 (note to thief: It’s made out to Shriners Children Hospital, so don’t bother returning to the scene of your despicable crime.)

And I can only hope a lot more folks in Amherst got the same idea as me and dropped off a check as well.

2008

The Chinese consider 8 a lucky number. I hope they're right.

My Christmas present (s)

So yeah, I’m supposed to ooze that sappy sympathetic “There but for the grace of God…” routine, but to Hell with that! These clueless amateurs should NEVER have initially opened.

Simply put, this side of the River--that would be the Connecticut-- dividing us, The People’s Republic of Amherst, from our Sister City Northampton (with Hadley stuck in the middle) can support two decent sized Health Clubs; and the other side of the Coolidge Bridge can also support two. That’s all folks. We’re not exactly Boston, The Big Apple or LA.

Thus when you have six or seven facilities on this side of the river all scavenging for half the pie, something has to give--as in DIE! A duo did this week; a duo more to go. And then, gloriously, homeostasis returns to the Happy Valley Fitness Universe.

Gold’s Gym and Planet Fitness (that has not even opened yet) are next on the Devil's shortlist.

Ultimate Fitness opened almost ten years ago targeting the same student demographic Flex Gym on University Drive lived and died by a year or two earlier.

James “Bruiser” Flint had inherited the Umass Basketball Head Coach position after Coach Cal left the building (Mullins Center), and he Pollyannaishly decided to open a Health Club while simultaneously trying to coach a nationally ranked (at times #1) basketball team. He failed, miserably, at both.

Umass basketball slid into the toilet, where they remain today, and Umass quietly benched Coach Flint (they, like the town of Amherst, hate it when a minority hire fails.) He would return once annually for the past few years to tour his albatross business (no reason really, since they have not changed a single thing) and that was the extent of his long-distance involvement.

Curious that they would surrender now. Unlike most Valley businesses January is, mainly due to New Year’s Resolutions, the peak month for the Health Club industry.

Probably a confluence of concerns: the recent ownership change at Hampshire Fitness in Amherst, the pernicious predatory pricing from Planet Fitness in Hadley and the daunting prospect of a shiny new $50 million Recreation Center at Umass (guaranteed to absorb the vast majority of students.)
###########################################################################


Curves was never a concern, as they only target women, thus ignoring half the market. A few years ago Curves was the #1 franchise in America with thousands of units springing up like summer weeds. Many have now wilted and died.

Aerobic circuit training is fine (we have just added a one-hour Friday class), but to limit your entire business model to a 30-minute circuit routine performed two or three times per week guarantees boredom, the #1 cause of dropout.

An exercise science study showed if women actually followed Curves recommendations (three workouts per week) they burned under 300 calories total, or one-twelfth of a pound.

American College of Sports Medicine recommendations, however, suggest moderately intense cardio 30 minutes a day, five days a week. So even if the entire Curves chain vanishes nationwide it would have zero impact on the average health of American women.

And in the Happy Valley, consumers (men and women) who patronized a dead club mostly migrate to another--thus ensuring the financial health of those hardy Health Clubs that remain.

Like the Marine Corps motto: The few. The proud!


Not sure why Dead Men Walking still do this (put up a sign suggesting they will return). Used to be local owners wanted a few days to get out of town so members who just paid for a long-term membership can't catch them, but since Flint left Amherst a long, long time ago...

Hey, at least Curves had a sense of humor with their obituary:

Un-American assassination

Kennedy observed, not two weeks before his head was ripped apart, that if an assassin really were willing to sacrifice their life to accomplish murder then the Secret Service would likely someday fail him.

But Oswald (and that guy on the grassy knoll) had no intention of giving up their life to accomplish murder most foul. Neither did John Wilkes Booth who fled Forbes Theater and made a beeline for the South. Sirhan Sirhan could easily have saved a bullet for himself and Dr. King’s assassin died from cancer after years of rotting in jail.

Only outside America do we have idiots willing to slink into a crowd and detonate themselves and everyone in the vicinity! At least the Japanese Kamikaze’s restricted their suicide strikes to military targets.

Note to terrorists: When you start murdering women or children, you lose the hearts and minds of people EVERYWHERE.

And so this was Christmas

Descending toward Bradley International airport after almost 19 hours in the air I was anxious to land…but not that anxious! Listening in on the planes communication channel plus the dramatic increase in turbulence confirmed the Nor'easter had beaten us. The air traffic controller calmly reported wind gusts of 60 mph and snow falling at rate of 10” per hour.

A brief pause…and I thought about knocking on the cockpit door and telling the pilot I had only been a dad for 72 hours, and I could use a lot more time. The pilot confirmed he was redirecting to Dulles Airport.

My sis worked for Independence Air a small, low cost airline based at Dulles (since gone bankrupt) and her spacious home was only five minutes from the airport. We spent our first Christmas as a family there in 2002 and have gone back every Christmas since.

This year we drove, as three plane tickets would have set us back $900, leaving Amherst on Christmas Eve and stopping first in New Jersey to stay overnight with Donna’s brother. His house is almost exactly the halfway point to Washington, so it broke up the travel into two manageable legs.
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The Air and Space Museum located at Dulles Airport, like many attractions in DC is government owned and operated, meaning We The People are shareholders and as a result there’s no admission charge.

The modern building is really just a giant hanger with one monstrous door that opens to the outside so airplanes could enter fully assembled. My sis said that the entire airport practically came to a standstill a few years back when the last remaining Concord flew in and took up permanent residence.


Gazing on the Enola Gay, a B-29 that delivered the first atomic bomb, it’s easy to imagine why we won the war. And the Space Shuttle Enterprise demonstrates our industrial, technological edge continues fifty years later.


We left DC for home on Thursday stopping in Manhattan to break up the drive. Dinner at an Italian Restaurant in the heart of Little Italy.
then a dessert from a bakery in nearby Chinatown. Donna has been taking Chinese lessons for a while now and managed to understand when the two women who waited on her called Kira “beautiful”.


We zig zagged around Times Square taking in the light show but police were everywhere keeping traffic moving and blocking off Rockefeller Center to autos.
Now the tallest manmade object in the Big Apple, the Empire State Building stands like a proud beacon...


Left the City at 7:00 pm and pulled into Amherst at 9:30 pm.

Coal in their stocking too.

So the crusty Gazette, not know for showing bravado, waited till today to take on the Town Manager’s terrible Christmas tree tax debacle, knowing perhaps passions would subside after Christmas.

While acknowledging his timing was terrible the Gazette still lauded the idea of a public policy for the use of Kendrick Park. Considering the Gazette published a front page banner headline story about an Umass professor calling 9/11 an inside job on the morning of that awful anniversary they should know about lousy timing.

Of course there should be a public policy—with equal access for all—to our parks and town common. That could have been easily crafted without the idiotic $1 dollar per tree tax on the Christmas spirit.

Let’s hope the Town Manager discovers some common sense in the New Year (and the Gazette develops some chutzpah).

Yes Kira, there is indeed.

And then there were none...

While the Boy Scouts Christmas trees may have sold out a day or two early from all the publicity, in the end nobody wins. All the extra money kindly donated will maybe make up for the loss of 100 trees not harvested and sold due to last week's storm.

And the Town Manager has squandered credibility and political capital the way President Bush sacrificed 9/11 world sympathy by declaring war on Saddam Hussein.

There are two East Streets

North East Street looking East:
South East Street looking West:

Death’s Juxtaposition

This weeks Bulletin obit section could give the wrong impression of the political leanings of the People’s Republic of Amherst. Nathaniel Reed and Fred Steinback, both former Amherst Select men and, amazingly, both conservative, passed away recently with their final news wrap up landing one over the other on that depressing page.

I never met Reed, a popular Dean at Amherst College (yeah, who would have thought the bastion of LIBERAL arts would hire a conservative) he was a tad before my time (the early 1970’s) but I heard about him from old-timers. We shared the same Sisyphean task of running for the state legislature (he in 1972 and me twenty years later) in a district where conservatives were indeed an “endangered species.” And it has only gotten worse.

Fred Steinbeck may not have been a registered Republican but he was a WW11 vet who made a living with his hands and the sweat from his brow. He served on the Board for two terms circa 1980.

My first public speech ever was before our illustrious Select board in 1983 requesting they reign in the Recreation Department from using my tax dollars to fund competing lower priced but lower quality programs for my karate school, Hampshire Gymnastics and Amherst Ballet Center.

I was about halfway into my presentation and just starting to get on a roll when Steinbeck stopped me and asked, “Was your Dad the plumber?” “Yes sir,” I responded, and then when back into my rant.

Naturally the other four socialists voted down my proposal; Steinbeck supported it and gave a brief speech saying Amherst doesn’t allow the Highway Department to pave homeowner’s driveways or plow them in the winter, so why should we allow this unfair competition to small business owners who employ local teens and spend money in town?

Up against a liberal chorus, Steinbeck and Reed were most often the only public voice of dissent. Something Amherst desperately needs.

Reap what you sow

So it’s gotten to the point where the Town Manager must hate to pick up a newspaper. Take today’s Amherst Bulletin, for instance. The Gazette’s Thursday article “No cash windfall for Boy Scouts” appears on the Bulletin's Front Page, above the fold. Usually Wednesday is the cut off for stories from the Gazette to make this week’s Bulletin.

Now for those of you unfamiliar with the intricacies of journalism in the Happy Valley the fold is the dividing line between A-rated stories and B-rated stories. Note for instance the article on Rob Kusner not running for a second Select board term is, appropriately, at the very bottom of the page.

And of course the banner headline number one story concerns our failing schools (or at least gives that impression). Although in Amherst nothing is more important than education I would still have switched the placement of those two lead articles.

Because parents packing a School Committee meeting to demand better quality education is kind of the journalistic equivalent of dog bites man story; stealing candy from a baby or initiating a tax on Christmas trees sold by Boy Scouts is a man bites dog story.

The Gazette only has a few thousand subscribers in Amherst as opposed to the Bulletin that is mailed free to every household (about 8,000). And while I subscribe to the theory “you get what you pay for” it is still incontrovertible that the Bulletin, in Amherst, is more widely read than the Gazette.

The article about the Town Manager forming a “blue ribbon panel” (how come nobody ever forms a “green ribbon” panel?) to peruse the budget is located below the fold.

So the Town Manager, who is praised by the Gazette for his economic initiates and heralded to the heavens by our lackluster Chamber of Commerce, finds his positive puff piece pushed down the page by this notoriously negative Christmas tree fiasco.

Today’s Gazette reveals the Town Manager has been reigned in by the Select board from charging groups for using the Town Common. We can’t charge the Pot Rally (A Umass Registered Student Organization) for purposely attracting 1,500 folks requiring over $1,000 in extra police details but we can charge the Boy Scouts $775 to use a chunk of space nobody else wants?

Only in Amherst!

http://www.amherstbulletin.com/story/id/73013/

Time is running out...

The crusty Gazette must have felt guilty over their coverage of the Grinch Amherst Town Manager’s Select board “report” Monday night on the odious Christmas tree tax: the Springfield Republican splashed their version (with clever comparisons to “It’s a Wonderful Life”) on Page One above the fold no less and the Gazette had a rather perfunctory bland retelling buried inside the second section.

But this morning’s Gazette follows up on the sad story and somewhat contradicts a previous article (by veteran reporter/editor Nick Grabbe) that this entire episode would be a “windfall” for the scouts because all the publicity stimulated donations, and individual tree buyers paying the extra dollar.

Scoutmaster Lyle Denit points out they usually sold out anyway and their stock was usually limited to 800 trees. But this year the Sunday snowstorm killed sales for that important day and—even worse—prevented the scouts from going in the woods and cutting down the final 100 trees to sell to last minute shoppers.

So even with the DPW donation and businessmen Roberts and Shumway giving the town its pound of flesh the scouts will make about the same $8,000 net profit as last year. Seems like an awful lot of work over the course of a very cold month for $8,000.

Ron Chimelis had a great column in today's Republican about steroid abuse from coddled athletes. Our Town Manager could use his sage PR advice (not that Shaffer does steroids, but he could stand to pump a little iron):

I thinks apologies count. Not for full exoneration, but as a necessary step toward perspective and closure.

Saying "I was wrong, and I'm sorry," is worth more now than ever, if only because hardly anybody does.

Let’s hope (sorry to mix movie metaphors) the Grinch has a Christmas nightmare or two over the next week and changes his mind.

You won't have Rob Kusner...

I suppose like Jay Leno I should root for the biggest goof to win the all-important election. With his national audience the President is a natural target and the bigger the goof in the White House the easier it is to write material for a monologue (especially now that he has to write it himself).

Considering my provincial concerns that means the Select board contest coming up, appropriately enough, on April 1’st.

So am I disappointed that Selectman Rob Kusner announced on Monday that he would not be seeking a second term? Not really, he stood little chance of reelection anyway.

People were going to create an attack website and upload his famous t-shirt incident at Town Meeting, the mp3 file of his threatening phone message to the Amherst school committee chair and maybe even the goofy election picture ad he used three years ago in the Amherst Bulletin of him hugging two trees.

Of course now it becomes entirely more apparent why Professor Kusner should have abstained at the September 17’th Select board meeting. With his sabbatical announcement (amounting to six months off with pay) coming only three months after his tie-breaker vote awarding Umass, his employer, a $200,000 gift of water effluent, some folks are going to wonder…

No Miracle on Boltwood Ave

Last night Amherst Town Manager Larry Shaffer once again reaffirmed that his unfair tax on the joy of Christmas has not been his “…most glorious moment in public administration.”

He also garnered little support from the Select Board. Kusner (looking at Shaffer): “We were caught off guard by this; I just want the public to know it was your decision.” Select person Brewer distanced herself: “Even though the Town Manager has the legal authority under the town act I would hope he will continue to talk to us about this…”

Brewer also (looking at scout representatives) wanted to publicly “thank the scouts for being so agreeable; I realize you didn’t have much choice…I’m glad we’re still talking about it.”

Clueless to the core (if indeed he has one), Shaffer still doesn’t get it. His bland” report” was a rehash of cold bureaucratic excuses.

Explaining his $1 per tree tariff Shaffer states: “They went away, set up their sale of Christmas trees. And I expected that arrangement would go on unbeknownst to anybody. Little did I know this would become the cause célèbre going forward.”

For a public official to arrange a deal in private, hoping that his dictatorial terms remain "unbeknownst", is bad policy.

UPDATE: 2:36 Yeah I know, the video just uploaded 10 minutes ago but my friend and fellow investigative blogger Paolo at northamptonist.blogspot.com just forwarded me the link to WHMP radio's softball interview with Shaffer. I love his comment at the outset "I don't know if anything went wrong." Talk about clueless.
http://www.theriverondemand.com/mp3/vannah/larryshaffer.mp3

UPADATE: 3:30 Ch. 22 enters the fray (what took them so long?). Where's the AP?
http://www.wwlp.com/Global/story.asp?S=7511628

Breaking News: Grinch Report

9:20 pm. So the Select board heard a Town Manager Report on the Christmas tree tax fiasco. He started of by announcing that developer Barry Roberts and hotel magnate Curt Shumway, both local boys who made very good, will pay the town the entire tax (between $775 to $800) and we also know--although the Town Manager did not give them a plug--Amherst DPW workers already donated a check to the Scouts for roughly that amount.

Thus the new Spin is Amherst did the Boy Scouts a favor, because now they are getting all these extra donations from concerned citizens. Hmmm...


Kinda like saying getting mugged is fine if the culprit is caught and then loses a sizable civil court case for damages.

His Lordship Mr. Weiss decided not to act as The Inquisitor and coerce the local Boy Scout troop into branding their national chapter as discriminators simply to use town property.

More tomorrow. I'm tired.

The joys of ownership

Rt. 116—one of the busier stretches of highway was once state owned and maintained. Five years ago the state decided to install a badly needed traffic control signal at this busy South Amherst intersection as well as other road improvements—all with state money.

With the design work about 80% completed, Amherst decided it didn’t like the cookie cutter design and wanted to “calm” traffic in the Village Square, enticing folks to pull up a park bench whip out a copy of the New York Times and slowly suck down a few cappuccinos while discussing global warming.

So now we own about three miles of busy roadway that yesterday required a fleet of DPW trucks, tons of chemicals and lots of peoplepower (many working on overtime). $10,000 here, $10,000 there…pretty soon you’re talking real money.

Notch Excursion in a storm.

2:00 pm. For those of you who do not live in Amherst, The Notch is a bump of a mountain on the Southern most part of Amherst. We started out at Atkins Fruit Bowl, a local institution that normally does so much business on a Sunday that they have to hire a police officer to direct traffic. I don't even want to think about how much money they lost today being closed during the Christmas shopping season.

We made it to the top in about a half-hour using lightweight snowshoes and cross country ski poles.

Then we took a sharp left off the old logging road and entered the woods.

The Woodpeckers abandoned their Totem Pole.

A river runs thru it (more like a stream.)

My lovely wife leading the way.

And we didn't get lost, didn't have to call 911. Finished around 3:30. Way more fun than, ugh, shoveling snow.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

So believe it or not the Crusty Gazette actually published a Letter on Saturday supporting the Town Mangler’s Scrooge Tax on the Boy Scouts Christmas tree sales: Alex Kent, a member of the Kanegasaki Sister City Committee closed with:

“All who use town property for their activities, whether they are for profit or not, should compensate the town for their use of public land. Mr. Shaffer's $1 fee is well within the bounds of reason, a welcome if small contribution to hard-pressed town coffers, and in no way undermines the good intentions or positive contributions of the Boy Scouts.

Alex Kent
Amherst”

So Alex ol boy, perhaps we should start charging the PeaceNiks who inhabit the corner of town center every Sunday at noon (and if we back charge them for the past 35 years we could afford to hire an Assistant for Assistant Town Manager John Musante.

Ch 3 TV out of Hartford, Ct. covers the story (yeah, I emailed a packet of material to the Connecticut media mentioning Shaffer's Vernon Ct. background):

http://www.cbs3springfield.com/news/local/12520971.html