And it only gets better...

Amherst Bulletin
Column, Larry Kelley
Published February 2003

Time now has a joyous new means of measurement, BK and AK: Before Kira and After Kira. Yes Kira Li, sixth generation of Kelley to call Amherst home, you have vaulted to the top of the totem pole, realigned the pecking order, and made mornings infinitely more worthy of awaking to (in spite of the early hour).

We didn’t feel obligated to retain your Chinese name (Huai Yun Shi) because all the little girls from your orphanage shared the same surname. Let that be your first lesson in the way of bureaucracies: they choose the path of least resistance. But then, they have to care for so very many like you who are cast aside simply because of gender.

We plucked you from an orphanage two hours drive from Hefei the capital of the Anhui province, a predominantly agrarian area (renowned for its beautiful women) as dirt poor as our own Appalachia. You had 11 other roommates—all girls-- in an unheated room measuring only 21 feet by 11 feet, with one caregiver per eight-hour shift.

Three cribs touching end-to-end on the left wall and three more similarly aligned on the right, with two babies per crib, all bundled up like skiers at a Vermont resort (outside temperature was in the 40’s). You occupied the middle crib on the right now empty because a family from Spain liberated your crib mate the week before.

But your caregiver shed tears when Donna took first gently took you away from her that long awaited afternoon in the Hotel Conference room (12/16). So we’re confident she did everything possible for you—but with eleven other baby girls constantly craving attention…well, it’s hard to ration love.

On the drive to the orphanage we visited the bustling area where you were found on 9/24/01, the very day you were born. Some birthday present, eh?

Maybe your mother was too poor to support you; or perhaps your father desired a boy. Because of the ubiquitous abandonment of girls, China recently relaxed the ‘One Child’ policy--allowing a second try for a boy. So perhaps your parents had to unfairly choose between you and an older sister.

Yin/Yang, life’s opposites interacting together. If not for the nightmare of your initial world entry, our dream to become parents would never have materialized. Chinese legend also tells of an ethereal red thread that winds through space and time to create a cosmic connection, bringing together those who were destined to be.

Very early the morning before we became a family a dispatch from Amherst delivered the sad and stunning news that an old friend had died. For over 20 years he always took credit, partially true, for bringing your new mother and I together.

Just don’t ever believe that Chinese people loathe little girls. Anytime we went anywhere with you in public we attracted a crowd of well-wishers. And women would constantly come over to inspect you to make sure we had dressed you warmly (in China that meant onion-like layering).

We met a man from Houston who beat the odds by adopting a 2-year-old boy (96% of China adoptions are girls) who was raised by foster parents wanting a companion for their lone little boy. Tragically, the natural son drown--yet they still had to surrender the foster child to an American.

Resentment from the Chinese towards us was almost nonexistent. Even the stoic military guards in olive green uniforms would occasionally smile over the antics of baby Chinese girls enthralling the crowds of curious onlookers, while their proud middle-aged American parents held them tightly.

On Christmas Eve at about 11:45 am, with the American consulate closing at noon, you became an American citizen. No flag waving, no singing the Star Spangle Banner and, in fact, most of the 18 other couples in the cramped room didn’t even stand as we raised our right hand and swore that everything provided in the written documents was correct.

But the Peoples Republic of China’s 1. 2 billion populations was reduced by 1 and the town of Amherst, also sometimes referred to as the ‘Peoples Republic’, increased accordingly. Perhaps no town in American is more accepting of diverse cultures and beliefs (as long as your not a Republican of course).

So when locals see us walking (any day now) down the street or dining at a downtown restaurant, inevitably some will think that I have done a good and noble thing in “saving” you.

Little do they know, my darling daughter, quite the opposite is true: My salvation is you.

One bad apple (or two)

Click to enlarge/read

So now we have not one but two flagrant violations of Mass General Law Ch. 40 Section 14. We purchased land without a two-thirds vote of Town Meeting and we are paying—if the deal goes through—over 25% of appraised value.

Previous post
note April 10 publication date of previous post (day Hubley/Awad became South Hadley residents)

A (bad) night at the opera.

My initial reaction to the banner in Amherst town center hyping the play “Our American Cousin” was not overly favorable (besides wondering why a Northampton affair gets subsidized space in Amherst).

For you non-history types, President Lincoln was watching it the night John Wilkes Booth placed a 44-caliber derringer just above his left ear and pulled the trigger. As a helpful reminder, the advertising flacks even placed a portrait of Lincoln on the banner.

Leaping from the private box about 11 feet to the stage Booth broke his leg. Unaware of the assassination, Dr. Samuel Mudd treated Booth’s injury the next day and now the term “your name is Mudd” denotes strong disapproval. As in, our current President may as well be ‘Mudd’.

Not just individuals, but an entire city can suffer the stigma as well. A generation of Americans blamed the city of Dallas for that awful day in late November 1963. And the assassination of his brother Bobby five years later in the pantry of the Ambassador Hotel started the downward spiral of that once Grand establishment.

When I uploaded on Blogger the photo I snapped from my bicycle seat and then clicked on it to enlarge, I noticed the URL for the play.

Ahhh…so it’s not the original comedy as presented that nefarious night in Washington, D.C. Just an artistic interpretation of what could have transpired (immediately after the greatest President in US history was shot point blank in the brain).

Okay, I’ll still pass.

A sucker born...Especially in Amherst!

So of course Amherst Town Meeting, mimicking the spending habits of a drunken sailor, purchased the property on Main Street—two lots that suddenly went from $400,000 down to $270,000 when the professional appraisal (as opposed to the worried-about-his-job town assessor) came back this morning.

And if you look at the “historic” landscape now, it resembles something out of the ‘Wizard of Oz’--only the tornado deposited three tired old houses instead of just one.

Naturally Mr. Moderator (a highly-paid Amherst College employee, the same entity that donated two of the houses and paid the over $110-K moving costs to dump them on Main Street) dictated the deal only required a simple majority vote instead of the two-thirds vote that is REQUIRED anytime borrowing is involved.

And the suddenly revised motion clearly stated “appropriate $270,000 for the acquisition of said land, and to meet such appropriation, appropriate and transfer $81,000 from the Community Preservation Fund annual estimated revenues, with the additional $189,000 to be borrowed in anticipation of receipt of a grant from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

But even if the state comes through with a grant of $189,000 (that could take a year or more) and we “borrow” that amount in “anticipation” of the money eventually arriving, is that not still “borrowing”? If so, tonight’s vote required a two-thirds majority.

If I borrow ten bucks from you today and give you a post-dated check (and you assume I am a premiere businessman in operation for over 26 years and would not risk image damage by bouncing a $10 check), is that not still "borrowing"?

The Dog-and-Pony Show was pretty hilarious: they even Photoshopped in a ramshackle house painted purple to illustrate what could happen if we did not buy this property right now (“This special offer ends tonight. Call now with your credit card in hand as operators are standing by!”)

And they were sooooo cocky they did not even bother to have a Standing Vote or (written) Tally Vote, almost always required for borrowing (unless the voice vote is unanimous).

Yeah, I used “Point of Order!” to ask if the Town Attorney vetted this simply majority vote concept and was told “yes”. But then, this is the same Town Attorney who says it’s okay for Awad and Hubley to live in South Hadley and remain on as Amherst Town officials.

Hmmm…

D-Day. Decision, decision, decisions...

So today is the day—because as of today Ann Awad is, by her own hand, a resident of 4 Jewett Lane, South Hadley. And thus, disqualified from her high-ranking Amherst elected Select board position (with its $300 annual salary).

The FDIC backed mortgage, signed on April 10 under pains and penalties of Federal Law, clearly states: “Borrower shall occupy, establish and use the Property as Borrower’s principal residence within 60 days after the execution of the Security Instrument and shall continue to occupy the Property as Borrower’s principal residence for at least a year after the date of occupancy”

And my friends in the legal profession tell me that US Attorney Michael J. Sullivan frowns on bank fraud—even for a petty, egotistical reason such as this.

Tomorrow night Amherst Town Meeting will discuss spending $400,000 to preserve two Main Street lots, a stone’s throw from Miss Emily’s Homestead. Last week in a procedural move designed to enhance the probability of passage the motion passed by almost exactly a two-thirds vote.

So one or two votes (and Hubley and Awad always vote the same) could decide the difference on this important issue.

What you lookin at

2:00 PM (and it's HOT)

"Trailer for sale or rent..."

So yeah, when I picked up my Amherst Bulletin on Thursday and spotted the real estate ad for an “open house” at the Awad/Hubley Amherst condo today (Saturday from 1:00 to 3:00 PM) I planned to investigate with camera in hand.

But yesterday two heavy-hitters (one in the legal profession and another in the media) informed me that I was about to be hit with a SLAPP suit for “intimidation” or “stalking” or making one feel “tortured”.

And since both Select Person Awad and Town Meeting member Hubley (also a former Select Person) are—at least technically—still Amherst public officials, they would rely on the town attorney to file the suit at taxpayer expense.

Of course, BOTH my heavy-hitter sources said I would win hands down since Awad/Hubley are public officials and both are dead wrong about this residency issue but it would take time, money and an initial headline or two that would not be overly sympathetic (since the brick-and-mortar media fears blogs they would love to headline a story “blogger gone berserk.”

But I cycled by anyway, as their condo is on a bike route I do at least twice weekly.