Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys

http://www.masslive.com/localbuzz/stories/index.ssf?/base/buzz/1180548354103830.xml&coll=3

So in spite of spelling my name wrong (it’s Kelley with two e’s) and number of appearances on Bill O’Reilly (it was exactly two, plus one on The Today Show) the article came out okay, although I find the title a little odd.

I was a little worried after I went to the The Buzz website to check out the publication figuring by the articles, ads, and hip title it targets 18-25 year olds. Not that in my graying years I can’t still relate to that dynamic age group.

Instead of mentioning “multiple times” that I’m a karate expert I should have pointed out that in the 35 years as a black belt I have never once used martial arts outside of a sporting or teaching context. Although last week I came very close to engaging a moving automobile.

I should have added to my socially liberal list that I’m pro women’s right to chose, and I alienated many of my conservative compatriots by strongly supporting the smoking ban in bars (voted most controversial issue of the year in 1999 by the Amherst Bulletin) where Amherst was in the forefront of something now considered routine.

Perhaps the title Lonesome Cowboy comes from a President Reagan reference or, of course, my final quote. Oddly when Mr. Peters first contacted me via email at the beginning of May he seemed to be doing an article on conservatives as in the pleural sense:

“Mainly, we've decided to do a story about the conservative population in Western Mass simply because we rarely, if ever, read about conservative culture in this area. We're hoping to shed some light on the conservatives that do exist in this area, and discuss their engagement with the local political process.”

Maybe I was the only one they could find? Makes me even lonelier…

Jack Wilson can take the heat

From a hundred miles away Umass is simply considered part of the town of Amherst, albeit a large busy part. They have their own zip code (01003) but you still write Amherst, Ma on the envelope.

Like most townies, I view UMass as separate from the town. Although many students are registered to vote their involvement in local politics is nil and most don’t even bother to register their cars here, thus denying the town excise tax revenues.

So when something flares up at the University—like the Red Sox riots or graduation protests over Andy Card’s honorary degree--I view it more as a reflection on the University than the town. After all, Amherst has enough PR problems of its own.

Recently students and staff denied President Jack Wilson and Mr. Card their First Amendment right to speech by creating a highly public wall of sound to drown them out at graduating ceremonies (not to mention holding up a banner to intrude on visuals), thus embarrassing the University and spoiling a happy occasion for many who worked hard for their Graduate degrees.

While the honorary degree was probably not Jack Wilson’s idea, the controversial restructuring of the UMass system with him taking a more active role in the management of the Amherst flagship sounds like him.

Since Mr. Wilson has a strong background in entrepreneurship he undoubtedly understands the 80/20 principle: 80% of your profit comes from 20% of your product line. Therefore, try to identify that lucrative niche and invest more of your time and energy there rather than less important things.

UMass is the gem of higher education in Massachusetts. If anyone can identify places to invest more time and money for better returns it’s Jack Wilson. And while Chancellor Lombardi has been good for the University, a more hands on approach from a talent like Jack Wilson will be great for the University and by extension great for the town.

Considering the faculty now voting “no confidence” in Jack Wilson are probably some of very same who denied him the right to speak at last week’s graduation ceremony, I have little confidence in them.

Entering Amherst from the west

Appropriate on any day of the year, this shining symbol atop a hill, but ever so appropriate today.

Road Rage In A School Zone

I can’t even remember the last time I bent both knees just subtly enough to enhance balance to set for the potential launch of shuddering force into another human being. Today’s incident, however, I will long remember.

On Friday’s, Crocker Farm Pre School dismisses at noon. The school sits atop a slight hill a ways up from the access road on Rt. 116, a busy highway.

As I started to drive down from an upper parking lot immediately adjacent to the school with my five-year-old daughter safely strapped in back, I had the window open to circulate air until the AC could kick in.

The unmistakable whine of a motorcycle and a car both gunning their engines caught my undivided attention as a bright yellow bike and a dark two-door passenger car whizzed down the hill towards the stop sign at Rt. 116, with the motorcycle parallel and dangerously close to the driver side of the car.

The speeding vehicles came to a stop just in time and Evel Knievel initiated a heated exchange with the car’s driver. Suddenly the stationary car erupts in REVERSE speeding all the way back up the hill until directly in front of the school easily hitting speeds two or three times that allowed in a school zone.

He then shifted back into forward and once again gunned his engine and hurtled down the hill passing me a tad too fast to get off a well-placed sidekick into his passenger window as I yelled, “It’s a school zone pal!”

The potentially catastrophic aspect of this irresponsible stunt is that it occurred during the busiest time of the day for children, parents, or guardians as well as school personnel.

Since it was so busy witnesses may provide the license plate number to Amherst Police (many of whom were at Umass backing up UMPD in case there is any graduation disruptions over Andy Card’s honorary degree) so they can track down the culprit.

I, for one, would love to have a brief chat.

Let the riots begin

Northampton, our sister city to the west, ADDS seven police officers bringing NPD to 63 or a ratio of 2.1 officers per 1,000 Amherst last night decided to SUBTRACT two cops reducing APD to 48, or a ratio of 1.4 per 1,000.

According to the FBI, the national rate of full-time law enforcement employees to inhabitants is 3.5 per 1,000.

Now yes, his Lordship, the new Select board Chair Gerry Weiss will cite Umass’s police force of 60 and then add them to Amherst’s police department as though the two could become one seamless entity.

Override buster Stan Gawle tried to increase the budget by $150,000 to retain the two officers and add back in overtime for riot control and 4 bulletproof vests. The voice vote was so overwhelmingly negative nobody had the nerve to suggest a standing vote.

Former long-time Finance Committee and Select Board member (considered part of the “sensible center”) Eva Schiffer offered a neat compromise motion, using the $100,000 the Select board freed up last Monday that would have at least saved the two officers.

Like the vote against flying the flags on 9/11, it was not even remotely close. By a greater than two-thirds margin, Town Meeting voted (133-60) to make Amherst a more dangerous place to be. Like the vote against flying the flags on 9/11, it was shameful, irresponsible and downright embarrassing.

Unfortunately, far too many jaded Amherst Town Meeting members view American flags and police identically: as symbols of tyranny and oppression.

Interestingly, the next budget discussion concerned the Department of Public Works where the Select board wanted to spend 10% of that $100,000 previously banked savings on road line painting, because according to Ms. Awad the crosswalks were so faded that pedestrians were simply using “their memory” to attempt safe passage.

The DPW chief then reported that within weeks all the lines and crosswalks would be painted (using this year’s budget money) and the paint lasts two years. Even the Select board could do that math.

His Lordship immediately admitted to being “embarrassed” and Ms. Awad rescinded the Select Board motion to add $10,000 for the redundant item.

Yeah, that’s our exalted leadership--throw money at unnecessary items while cutting Job One for any government: maintain public safety.

When government loses its way this profoundly, it’s time for a new government.

Hallelujah!

Well I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. Superintendent Jere Hochman (finally) caved in to public pressure and will allow the Gospel Choir to sing at ARHS graduation.

Can you imagine the fallout if the ban stayed in effect?

Only in Amherst (somebody would say) can High School girls publicly use the C-word and perform a skit that glorifies statutory rape, but God forbid we allow a largely minority member choir to belt out a song where the word God comes up.

Yes, they did learn from the ‘Vagina Monologues’ debacle. One of the girls who performed in the 2004 edition, wanted to bring it back for an encore presentation this past February (why not in 2005 or 2006?) and the principal wisely said “NO”. But he should have said “No fracken way!”

Although only indirectly citing the tsunami of bad press, Mark Jackson claimed the production required too much time of faculty advisors, and with those looming budgets cuts…Hey, they could have tapped some of the $1.5 million they have stashed in their savings account.

Maybe at next year’s graduation we can get a couple of songs from ‘West Side Story’?

The Global Village

Okay, close enough. It was supposed to say “"Happy Wedding Anniversary. I love you. from Larry and Kira".

Today is our 24’th wedding anniversary, but since Donna is half a world away in Korea (13 hours ahead) for her it is almost over. Probably an appropriate metaphor for our relationship—as in opposites attract.

We talk twice a day, about 12 hours apart, and of course there’s email. She prerecorded readings from a few books so I could play them back to Kira every night at bedtime.

Yesterday I tried to send flowers via an Internet company that promised “same day delivery”. They could not, however, deliver them until Wednesday and then were going to charge enough to balance our trade deficit with that peninsula.

So I emailed her co-teacher Hyun Suk Lee (American name Jane) who Donna sponsored (more like adopted) at Babson College years ago because nobody else wanted to deal with her shaky English. Jane set up the teaching seminar at Korea University and is acting as interpreter, tour guide, fitness training partner and now our relationship coordinator.

Last year on her Korea expedition Donna was able to tour the mountainous area where her dad was wounded in that “Forgotten War”. On the front lines for less than a day a mortar shell detonated near his shallow foxhole (the frozen ground having the consistency of concrete). He crawled over a mile back to his lines and spent months recovering in various hospitals. To this day he carries charred metal reminders in his body.

Yesterday a town meeting member emailed Donna to complain about me; saying he found it “ironic” that I tried to institute fines for Open Meeting Law violations and yet Donna had sent an email from Korea to her committee that would have garnered a $50 fine.

There they go again thinking Donna—because she shares my surname-- is just like me, preoccupied with local politics. The fines I had in mind were for knowingly and willfully violating Open Meeting Law, something I think happens all too often, and not for the naïve “send all” email discussing your thoughts on a (somewhat ridiculous) issue coming up at a public meeting you can’t make.

Although a white, female, tenured professor who calls The People’s Republic of Amherst home Donna does not exactly fit the mold. Unlike me, she’s a registered Republican, grew up working on a farm in Southwick, doesn’t eat meat (but doesn’t mind cooking it or wearing leather shoes) and until a few months ago didn’t give a damn about local politics.

Last night at the chaotic opening to Town Meeting’s budget discussion when the Moderator called the Select board and Finance Committee behind the curtain to discuss procedures more than a few folks in the audience mentioned the Open Meeting Law, and suggested I crash the party.

A testy exchange occurred when (former Czar) Ann Awad accused the Moderator of a “conflict of interest” because he appoints the Finance Committee and she thought his new procedural protocol gave the Finance Committee an edge over the Select board.

Considering the close vote last night that favored the Select board version of the budget amendment, I guess Ms. Awad was wrong. Certainly not the first time.

And this narrow victory for the Select Board over the Finance Committee sends a powerfully pernicious signal of things to come.