What A Twit

Worst Tweets Ever has a whopping 3 followers

As I close in on a Twitter milestone, one thousand followers (hint, hint), I'm reminded by a youthful critic otherwise known as a "Cowardly Anon Nitwit" why the service rocks.

With only 140 characters to play with you have to be a tad concise.  Kind of like the telegraph of old where you paid by the word so you tended to use as few as possible.

Or the early days of the telephone when the thought of "long distance" charges struck fear into the hearts of your parents, so you learned to talk fast with far flung family members.

It also reminds me of Town Meeting where pretty much any local can get up in front of the body before a live microphone and say pretty much anything.

I always have that split second fear as I trudge to the podium that I'm going to suddenly have a  Tourette's moment and just start spouting "expletive deleted."

On Twitter you can get in trouble instantly for saying stupid things even if you only have a few followers, because all it takes is for one of them with a huge number of followers to retweet you.  While bad news has always moved quickly, stupid news moves at warp speed.

I have more than a few "college aged youth" who follow me just to see if I'm talking about them or their lifestyle.  They don't usually just randomly tweet at me like the nitwit "worst tweets ever" who obviously also has the account "larry kelleys whack."

Him I ignore, because if I respond to a stupid tweet that originally only went to his one follower, suddenly it goes to all almost-1,000 of my followers.  And since  a few them would like to dance on my grave, they would chime in supporting the initial idiot.

Last Spring was relatively quiet but there were a couple weekend nights where warm weather brought out the zombie party herds.  I remember tweeting a couple of low key incidents early in the evening -- APD making an arrest for "open container" on Fearing Street or AFD responding to the first ETOH (alcohol poisoning) incident of the night. 

A couple kids played off those tweets with sarcasm that was then favorited or retweeted by other like minded followers (none of them having much more than an average number of followers -- 200 or so).

But as the night wore on, and the number of ETOH incidents requiring ambulances became more and more numerous -- to the point where we ran out of ambulances -- the sarcastic tweets stopped.

So either it dawned on them that having all our ambulances tied up carting drunk students to CDH is not a good thing, or maybe some of them were the ones being carted to the hospital.

Of course the other tremendous Twitter thing is the ability to post photos instantly, conjuring up that old pre-Internet adage that still remains true:  a picture is worth 1,000 words.

And that's a lot of characters.

LarryWhack has zero followers

A Matter Of Self Defense

Eric Bertrand is lucky a Second Amendment enthusiast was not shopping at Whole Foods Market late yesterday afternoon .  The first frantic reports from the scene via multiple 911 calls indicated a man was randomly discharging a "white powder" onto innocent bystanders.

Hadley PD at Whole Foods Market to Dispatch:  "One under arrest, we do have a few victims."
— Larry Kelley (@amherstac) July 11, 2014

One customer, unhappy about the assault, got into a physical altercation with Eric Bertrand, age 59, but appears to have ended up on the wrong end of his "shod foot."

Had this odd event taken place in Texas, Mr. Bertrand would probably have been shot in self defense, since many people at first worried  the powder was potentially a terrorist HazMat (hazardous materials) incident.

Amherst Fire Department later transported Bertrand from the Hadley Police Department to Cooley Dickinson Hospital after a "psychological evaluation."

Hadley police have charged him with seven counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (Cayenne pepper).   Massachusetts is the only state in the nation to require a license to carry pepper spray, although in this particular case he used store product rather than carrying his own canister of OC spray.

Last Monday Eric Bertrand's Easthampton apartment was gutted by fire, just after he was issued an eviction notice. 

Arresting Miss Emily

Emily Dickinson stands before Judge LoConto on July 7th

Amherst police arrested Emily Dickinson, age 30, back in February for stealing a credit card and her mother's prescription drugs, an all too familar combination resulting from substance abuse.

A business day doesn't go by at the Eastern Hampshire District Court without a drug related problem coming before a judge.  

And in Amherst, where the other Emily Dickinson is arguably our most famous citizen, the misery associated with drug/alcohol abuse is certainly on the short list for pernicious problems that need to be solved.

 The Dickinson Homestead

Judge LoConto placed Ms. Dickinson on probation for a year with a $65/month fee and unscheduled drug/alcohol screening.

As she was leaving the Judge, sounding sincere, wished her "good luck" and reminded her the Probation Department is there to help.

Crowd Sourcing Affordable Housing Plan

Crowd attending Planning Board Public Hearing

Amherst Planning Board Chair David Webber told the crowd of about 25 concerned citizens, town officials and housing developers who attended the public hearing at the Bangs Center last night that an Inclusionary Zoning Bylaw to help stimulate low-income housing, "Is worth doing, but we need your help."

 Amherst Planning Board

Ideas ranged from a "payment in lieu" of affordable units into a trust fund,  to allowing developers to build the required units off-site away from the market rate units, or increasing the density of projects so developers could get more market rate units to offset the affordable ones.

The problems seem greater in the downtown, which is close to built out, and therefore more expensive to develop.   Critics portrayed Kendrick Place,  a mixed-use five story building which just broke ground, as the poster child for special treatment since none of the 36 units will be affordable and the project did require some minor variances from the Planning Board.

One idea floated by PB Chair David Webber is to allow a height increase in the downtown to six floors from the current five.  The crowd seemed receptive to the idea. 

Maurianne Adams also pointed out UMass and the town need to work together to allow public/private partnerships to build new student housing on or near campus that would be plentiful, safe, and pay property taxes.

Making the affordable unit requirement too strict and you end up with nothing because developers walk away, but make it too easy and they walk all over you.  So the Planning Board, like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, needs to find a proper balance that's "just right".

The Planning Board is targeting the Fall Town Meeting for an Inclusionary Zoning Article, with September 26 the deadline for article language.  In addition to the public forums soliciting advice the Planning Board will also hire a consultant to figure out the real world impacts of such an article on mixed use centers.

Amherst housing production has been practically non existent over the past generation, resulting in high rents pushing out middle class families and low income residents, the creation of students slums, and unhealthy discord in our political arena.  

Puffer's Pond Pervert

John S. Fitzgerald (center) with court attorney John McKenna left

At a his arraignment this afternoon in Eastern Hampshire District Court the prosecution asked Judge Patricia Poelher to impose a $5,000 cash bail for John S Fitzgerald on charges of "Open and Gross Lewdness" since it will most likely result in an indictment.

In addition, he has been convicted six times on the same charge since 1987, served a 6 month jail sentence, and only came off probation in 2012.

His court appointed attorney, John McKenna, requested $500 bail.

In a recitation of the statement of facts the prosecution stated Amherst police arrested Fitzgerald at Puffer's Pond yesterday early afternoon after two young females observed him masturbating and called 911.

When police arrived he freely admitted to them he was a "Level 3 Sex Offender" and that he had gotten drunk at a strip club and as a result ended up at Puffer's Pond masturbating in the bushes.

Judge Poelher took the advice of the public defender and imposed a $500 bail, but she also "impounded" the names and personal information of the two young female witnesses for their protection.

Fitzgerald will appear in Court again on July 24.

Environmental Make Good

Representative from W.D. Cowls and Landmark Properties appear before ConComm

Amherst Conservation Commission

A half dozen employees representing the interests of the current landowner, W.D. Cowls, and the buyer/developer, Landmark Properties, who wish to build a student housing project on 147 acres of woodland in North Amherst came before the  Conservation Commission again to explain how damage occurred to wetlands and how they will ensure it does not happen again.

W.D. Cowls, the largest private landowner in the state, has always allowed the general public to use the property for recreation.  And mountain bikes, all terrain vehicles and jeeps can leave behind ruts which the commission considers unacceptable in protected wetlands.

Cowls may reconsider keeping the property open to the general public and could install gates or cables at the three main entry points to keep out motorized vehicles.

Conservation members site visit to damaged area 6/25

But much of the (self reported) damage was caused by a contractor doing geo-technical drilling for the proposed buyer of the property, Landmark Properties.  Commission member Christiane Healey said, "I'm perplexed.  Don't you have experience with this?"

"We don't do this very often," responded the contractor, Mike Talbot.  "In my 30 years this if the first time doing work around wetlands on such a large tract of property.  We crossed wetlands to get to drilling sites.  We thought using logging roads was okay."

Talbot said from now on "wetlands" had been added to their job sheet checklists for awareness and a wetlands expert or land engineer would be consulted before any work took place in sensitive areas.

The "Preliminary Restoration Plan" was pronounced "thorough" by town wetlands administrator Beth Willson, but she preferred all restoration work be done by hand rather than mechanized equipment -- especially considering it was mechanized equipment that caused the damage in the first place.

The commission agreed and made that a part of their requirements as well as a paragraph about maintaining communication with the Conservation Commission and obtaining permits anytime work is performed in and around wetlands.

 About 25 concerned neighbors show up

The environmental consultants will return to the  July 23rd meeting with a final Restoration Plan and begin the work (by hand) immediately after approval by the Conservation Commission.

 Vince O'Connor worried about Fire Department access in case of a forest fire

Pine Street Permutations

North Amherst residents will be pleased to know their major thoroughfare will be a lot more drivable by the end of "this construction season," (which usually means when the snow flies) after a base coat of pavement will be put down the entire length of Pine Street. 

It has been a long haul thus far with the road ripped up for water sewer upgrades and then a major overhaul which is yet to come, but should be completed in calender 2015.

 Bumper stickers available at Cushman Market

The town twice put in for a $4.3 million MassWorks grant but were turned down both times.  DPW Chief Guilford Mooring reports we have spent $1.8 million in Water & Sewer fund money so far and a funding request to complete the work will go to the Fall Town Meeting somewhere in the $2 million range.

The Town Manager will make a recommendation to the Select Board about the final tweaks, which hinge on whether there should be a separate bike lane AND sidewalk or just one multi-use path for both.

The Public Works Committee already voted unanimously for the single 10 foot wide multi-use path on the south side of Pine Street.  The town needs to confirm final layout before putting down the base coat.  The Select Board has final say. 

Pine/Bridge Street roundabout (near Cushman Market) now off the table because of how much land taking would be required